Do You Believe?

Theresa Caputo is coming to town.  She's going to be five minutes from my home. When I heard the news I totally did this:

The thing is, I believe she is legit.

Now wait, I know you're thinking her show is edited to make it look like she can hear from the beyond.  I realize the show is edited.  After all, nobody wants to watch a show in which messages from our deceased loved ones include "I saw that time you got drunk and made out with my brother" or "you really shouldn't use that soap to wash your nether regions" (nether regions? That is a first for this blog!).  Maybe some of it is even staged and edited in ways to intrigue the viewer, but the message is always the same - I am okay and you will be too.

There is always so much left unsaid when someone passes away.  When R. died we had been fighting for weeks. We basically lived in the same home but existed in different worlds.  The day before he died we made up and my naive 23-year-old self thought that everything would be okay.  I really didn't know that he would wake up, eat a tuna sandwich and die just hours later.

For some reason I only remember bits and pieces of that day.  I remember seeing the nurse's car in our driveway.  I remember my mom and my aunt coming from hours away in what seemed like minutes. I don't even know how they knew to come. I remember my aunt suggesting I apologize, so I did, for what? I don't really know.  All I know is that it made me feel better about him leaving us.

I want to know if he heard what I said.  I want to know what he thinks of our son who he had only just begun to know. I want to know if I'm making the right decisions. The truth is I've been terrified since the moment he died.  I remember turning to someone and asking what I was supposed to do now?  Of course there was no answer, just a shocked face. 

I would love to attend Theresa's show because I believe in her message.  I would love to experience her gift in person - not just for myself, I would love to listen to other people's stories and hear encouragement from their loved ones.  With my luck, my loved ones would point out something embarrassing about me in front of hundred (thousands? *gulp*) of people.

PS - I know the commenting system is still broken.  Truth is, I'm so tired of fixing up blog stuff. I was kind of hoping one of my super awesome designer people would have pity on me and help me out. That didn't happen so when I'm not so tired of blog stuff I will fix it myself so the one person who wants to shout out pharmacy ads can get back to spamming. I got your back dude!

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Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?


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