Superheroes Don't Cry...

I am not very brave.
This week I did something pretty brave.
Something I don't do often enough.
I asked for help.

Superheroes do not cry.
They try not to at least.
I guess I am not a superhero after all.

I am so dramatic.
I am hurt.
I am surprisingly emotional.
I am an ugly crier.

Right there in front of my good old doctor.
The same one who came to my house many years ago and used a monkey flashlight.
The thought still makes me laugh.
Ugly cried.
Big time.

Mental health is a scary thing.
So uncertain.
So undiagnosed.
I am just "overwhelmed"
and this will pass as EVILBOY gets older

It's not fair.
It's really really not okay.
I shouldn't be repulsed by my child hugging me.
I shouldn't want to avoid life. Living.

It never should have been this way.

I am going to try to focus on the things that make me happy.
Like flowers in my hair
and discovering a car with the license plate that says "Patmobile"
Those things make me smile.

I need to stop listening to so much "90's Slow Dance" on Songza
I need to pick fewer battles.
Enjoy the small things.

Stop fretting over the uncontrollable.
Stop noticing the dirty snow banks.
Start thinking about sandals on bike pedals and crisp spring breezes
because these are the things that make me happy

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Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?


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