Open Mouth, Insert FLU

This may come as a shocker to most of you, but I cannot speak to men.
I actually don't know why that would be surprising to you.

I am a weirdo.  Completely.

A weirdo who cannot talk to men. I'm sure there are many of us - let's start a club?!

In all reality, talking to those of the opposite sex has never been a strong suit of mine. Unless there is alcohol involved, but even then the conversation quickly turns to stories of how my mother used to sell dildos or how I ate a dandelion one time and threw up and never told anyone.

You can hardly tell us apart!

 I am like the female version of Rajesh Koothrappali. Only he is smarter than me. Also, he is a fictional character.  You get the idea.



Sometimes I do try to talk to men.
One time it was successful and we fell in love - although looking back now there probably was alcohol at some point and I'm sure he did most of the talking. 
Usually I just end up saying stupid things. 
It really doesn't work out for me. 

The other day at work, a man confessed to me that he had Diabetes.
Diabetes is an awful disease, I know this. 
I know people who suffer from this disease and have a really hard time with it.
Yet, for some strange reason, the first thing out of my mouth upon his confession was...
"That must be fun"

That.  Must. Be. Fun.  
Diabetes.
Fun.

Then I spent the rest of my life trying to convince him that's not what I meant.

Sometimes I don't even realize that I am saying something completely inappropriate. 
Like the other day when the coffee man came to repair the coffee machine in our office.
The machine seemed to be having a hard time producing coffee from the spout.
Surely as a result of a coffee gunk build up (my own technical terms). 

I happened to come in in to the kitchen just in time to see the test run of the repaired machine. 
Of course I had to comment, as if my opinion of the coffee flow even mattered. 
 "Looks like it doesn't have a prostate problem anymore!" I commented.
I then walked out of the kitchen leaving a mortified co-worker and a coffee repair man who didn't even laugh at my funny joke.

I'm not even really sure what a prostate is! We may have touched on it in my anatomy training, but most of the relevant information I know about prostates comes from Tom Hanks in The Green Mile. Looking back now, I'm not even sure it was his prostate in that movie. Just to make this completely uncomfortable, check out this montage of Tom Hanks peeing I found on YouTube!

Please tell me I am not the only person (who is not a fictional character) who has trouble having a completely normal conversation with the opposite sex?


Share this:

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?

0 comments:

Post a Comment