As I get older, I am growing tired of humans.
There was a time in my life where I would think a porn DVD in an unsuspecting person's mailbox is the funnies thing in the whole entire world, but now that I am old and grumpy, it is not that funny.
Burglars are running rampant in my building.
First they started off stealing GPS units from cars and now they have moved on to mail theft.
Last fall I had pictures of EVILBOY turn up on my doorstep. No envelope or anything.
I could tell they were taken at my aunt's house so I called her and thanked her for the pictures and wondered if I missed her coming in to town because the photos were not in an envelope.
It turns out she had mailed them to me but someone had received the package, opened the envelope and decided they didn't want to keep the photos of my son holding a toad, so they put them on my doorstep instead. Thanks for having a heart burglars.
A few weeks later an Avon order of mine went missing. Someone stole my yellow nail polish and brown eyeliner. It really spoiled it for the whole entire world because I had never had yellow nail polish before and I had some wonderful plans for that stuff. So thanks for that burglar.
As I was complaining to the building supervisor about the mail nonsense going on in this building, I opened the door to the downstairs laundry room and low and behold, my Today's Parent magazine was open on the bench - so now they are even stealing my reading material.
It has gotten to the point where I am afraid to have any mail delivered to my home. I have a lock on my mailbox and have recently gotten a new lock because I was still having trouble but nothing is stopping the burglar from reading my magazines or wearing my yellow nail polish.
I grew tired of losing my mail so I redirected everything to my work. I stopped requesting those fancy tampon samples online and all my magazines come to my iPad.
and I think it angered the burglar because this week when I was checking my mailbox (unfortunately I still get bills - but the burglar can have those if they want!) I found a porn DVD in my mailbox. It hadn't been mailed, it was just a naked (for lack of better word) DVD case with "busty babes" on the front.
They didn't even leave the DVD - just the case! At first I got all excited wondering if I had a secret admirer leaving me their profession of love in standard DVD format. Then when I pulled the offending item out of the box, I'm sure my face looked like this:
and wouldn't ya know, the whole town decided to come home at that exact moment. I shoved the DVD back in the mailbox and ran away. There was still the little problem of porn in my mailbox. Is that illegal? Will the postal worker think I'm a sex addict? Does it have cooties?
Then I got scared. Someone who lives near me collects empty porn cases and distributes them to his/her neighbours. I mean, they purchased a DVD of porn when you can access such things freely online 24/7.
But seriously. I felt like I am being targeted. I felt like someone has complete access to my mailbox despite all the additional security measures taken. It is such a violation, even though the only thing I still receive in the mail are bills and stupid booklets from political people that I use to line the bottom of my guinea pig cage. Just knowing someone can go into my stuff whenever they please has become quite heavy on my mind.
I want to move far far away - so badly - but it's too expensive and also I can't keep running away from burglars and bad guys and neighbours who touch my laundry.
If you are reading this and you are a burglar - get a job. Go to work for 8 hours a day, come home and cook and clean and take care of your kid and then think about stealing from people in the same situation as you. It really isn't a nice thing to do so you should stop. Also - stop buying porn DVDs. It makes you look like a weirdo.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?