This weekend we doggy-sat two little chihuahuas. This weekend I also learned how to spell chihuahua without having to Google it first as I had to type in "chihuahua with penis injury" a bajillion times into Google. In other words, don't let me watch your dog or they will injure their junk (seriously...this shit doesn't happen to anyone else I know). In case you are wondering, the penis is fine...don't ask.
I also learned that owning (or borrowing) these little dogs would be a really good idea if you wanted to be a serial killer. Owning helpless little dogs is like walking around with a baby Jesus, wrapped in fluffy kittens tied with a bacon bow.
Dog sitting is the next best thing to owning a dog yourself and it is pretty entertaining making sure your cat doesn't scratch off an eyeball, a penis (the cat totally didn't injure the dog's junk - he did it to himself!) or eat these creatures that are 1/3 his size. Also entertaining is chasing around animals who pee and poop every four minutes with bunched up toilet paper and hopes that the yarn they ate doesn't make their poop dangle from their bum.
These minuscule creatures could probably rope in some sweet friends who would only hope you would go away for a weekend so they could dog sit. When you open your apartment door and they flash out your front door like I am Buffalo Bill and they just escaped from the hole (without putting on the lotion), the neighbours will flock and you will find yourself outside your apartment in nothing but a tank top, unshaven armpits, messy hair and sweatpants - with no undergarments. As an added bonus you will get to share a lengthy conversation with your arms stuck to your side and your legs crossed with the person who can probably hear you sing through the wall - just as I can hear her laugh, quite clearly, to syndicated Mad About You.
I did enjoy having these guys around though. They look at me lovingly with their bulgy eyes, silently thanking me for not turning them into this poster:
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?