I have been hanging around in bookstores a lot recently.
It's all a part of my complete 'hipster' transformation.
What I have noticed is that this whole "50 Shades" obsession has really gotten out of hand.
Every book in the "Erotic Fiction" section has a sticker on the front that says "if you loved 50 shades, then you will love this!" or "if you devoured 50 Shades...".
Not that I hang out in the erotic fiction section much (I felt like I needed to clarify that).
Head on down to your local bookstore where you too can hang out in the erotic fiction section and read exciting titles such as:
In Too Deep, Destined To Play and of course Fire After Dark.
I'm going to save you the trip. I've decided that since this 50 Shades thing seems to be a good way to make some money, I am going to give you a preview of the new novel I am writing. It's called 50 Shades of Peepees.
WARNING: Do not read this next section if you are under 18. Or Immature. Or if you get offended by erotic fiction. You have been warned by my big boldy line. Also, I didn't finish the 50 Shades series so like, I may be a little off in my writing style.
He smelled like cotton candy. His mouth in the shape of a ripe melon on a warm autumn afternoon. He was a bajillionaire, but like he totally was a nice guy. Not one of those stiff old bajillionaries who swirl their wine around in giant glasses and have a tone of pickle-up-the-butt-itis to their bajillionaire voices.
His looks were to die for, and for some reason I really wanted to eat some cotton candy. but then I walked into a door frame and messed up the ganglion cyst in my wrist. The bajillionaire brought his warm melon smile over and asked if I was alright. I told him I was fine as I shook out my ganglion. Then I pulled out my phone.
"Hey, can I Twitpic you?" I asked optimistically.
"Of course you can sugar-tits" he replied with the smile of a modest fox.
From that moment on we were inseparable.
I invited Bajillionaire over to my muddled apartment. He grinned as he removed my rank Batman socks with only his sideways crescent moon grin. He asked if he could tie me up. I said that was fine, I guess (you weirdo). The only thing we could find to tie me up with was Super Mario shoelaces.
Bajillionaire took off his pants and I saw his wiener flapping around. Then I showed him my cookie. We had a total wiener cookie party. When it was over he looked at me with his dreamy bedroom eyes and said "I have to poo".
When he came back from his dump, he told me about his pirate ship. I offered to scrape off his barnacles for him (if you know what I mean...hehe...hehe..heh). All of our sweet banging even cured the ganglion in my wrist.
After I cleaned off his barnacles with an old dustpan, he bought me my dream car and we totally did it on the car.
Then we dressed up as Power Rangers and took some erotic pictures. Because I've always wanted to do that. Dress up like a Power Ranger I mean, not taking erotic pictures (I felt like I had to clarify that).
Bajillionaire was so smexy, but he totally had this stalker chick after him.
I felt sad when I had to run her over with my 2013 convertible Beetle.
I mean, it's still in its rough stages.
I may change some of the wording a bit.
Keep an eye out for Part Two to come out next spring(ish).
Also: This website will help you write your erotic fiction: Fifty Shades Generator
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?