Before EVILBOY was born, I was so convinced he was EVILGIRL.
The signs all said so.
People commented everyday how they knew I was having a girl.
The stupid lunar calendar thing said he was a girl.
The statistics showed that people who had been through chemo and radiation more often had girls.
The ultrasound never saw a wiener...ever.
My little girl was going to be beautiful and spunky and outgoing.
She was going to love nail polish, pouffy skirts and Barbies.
and there were going to be sparkles...all the time. Ohh the sparkles.
We were going to be BFFs...like 4ever.
Her name was going to be Ava Elyse, because nothing else sounded good with Ava.
but then he was a boy.
and I was like What.The.Fuck?
I didn't even imagine having a son.
He didn't have a name.
R. and I had made a deal that if we had a boy he could name it and if we were having a girl, the name was my choice.
I made that deal because - there was no way my baby would be a boy.
Of course R. let me have my way and I got to name our son.
Have I ever told you how smart that guy was?
I never imagined having a kid who is hilarious
...but I was a little bit of a jokester myself.
I never imagined sitting in a church basement on a Saturday morning watching my SON attend his first karate class.
...but my parents probably didn't expect that from me either. My dad also probably didn't expect the swift kick to his groin when he asked how my first class went.
I never could believe the way my son can attract new friends
...then again, I never had trouble making friends either.
I never expected to have a little boy who has a pretty kick-ass Power Rangers collection.
...but my Power Ranger collection was also pretty extensive (excluding the stuffed Power Ranger that my cat claimed as his sex toy). Also extensive was my "talking doll" collection...until my dog ate off all their faces. (RIP Peewee and Grubby!)
I never expected to have a little charmer as a son
...but of course I was also pretty snazzy myself.
So, even though we don't have pouffy skirts, nail polish and Babysitter Club books, we do have a pretty awesome collection of super hero shirts, Skylanders and fart jokes.
Boys are kind of cool after all.
PS - I know the pictures of me kind of suck. Truth is, I took them with my phone. As it turns out, my scanner doesn't work when I run out of black ink. Oh the little quirks of life...so interesting!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?