Monday, 29 August 2011

Gained a family...

One of my favourite pictures - May 2004


Losing a loved one is hard. 

Losing your one true love is difficult. 

Losing the father of your child is devastating. 

Losing your father is unfortunate. 

He was everything to us.  He was the base that our household stood on, when he was gone it imploded like a card house in the gentle breeze of April.

This is the kind of thing you just don't move on from.  He is a part of my life forever.

What I didn't expect was to gain a family. 

Something that I hold very dearly to my heart. 

R.'s family stepped up and welcomed me in with open arms.  They never made me feel like I didn't belong. In fact, the first time I met R.'s aunt, she told me to call her "aunt".  Of course, she was drunk, but that didn't matter, she was (and will always be) my aunt.  That didn't change.

I am invited to family functions.  This family could have easily turned their back on me, requesting visitation of EVILBOY on holidays and sporadic weekends - but they never did.  It has always been open invitations for both of us. 

They call me aunt, sister, and daughter still.

and I know they really care.

When I mentioned to R's mom that money is extremely tight these next few weeks (back to school shopping for a 90 pound boy is not cheap!), she didn't hesitate to offer whatever she could. 

and for that I am grateful. 

Sometimes it hurts. Seeing R's family, with mannerisms and facial expressions that remind me of him.  They don't even know they do these things, but I am watching - remembering - a time when everything was just okay.

I can't go to one of these functions without thinking about how our life could have been.  Would we still be together (thus making me a step grandmother - long story!)? Would we have more children? Would we have a house and that RV camper that EVILBOY dreams of?  Who knows. I just know it has to be better than this.

A family adopted me. 
and it makes me smile.

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