The other day I went to a one of those year-end farewell barbecues. I decided to go for the comfort look so I threw on my new Old Navy walking shorts and a pretty baggy shirt. I checked myself in the mirror before we left and I didn't look like a creep so it was a total win when I left the house.
I was doing the awkward chat with a group of moms you really would normally never hang out with. All was going well because the focus was on the pregnant lady of the group. I love situations where I can meld in like an extra on a television show, throwing in an awkward fake laugh or a head nod every couple minutes so it seems genuine.
Then it happened.
A woman in the group commented on how everyone in the group was pregnant. At this point there was just the three of us standing there. She was too old to be pregnant, the other girl was obviously pregnant so I knew she was talking about me.
|I don't normally wear snakes on my head. I actually hate snakes. They really just represent the way I am feeling. SO deep.|
Suddenly I became totally self conscious. Mind you, I was a friggin hot pregnant chick:
At first I laughed... because, you know, I had no real interest in the conversation since this woman is a total dumbshit. I kid you not, the last encounter we had she asked me how I could afford the shoes my son was wearing.
...but then I realized she was totally dissing me.
|BUT I SKIPPED THE DAMN SMORE! I SAID NO...DO YOU FRIGGIN KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO TURN DOWN A SMORE YOU SMELLY OLD BAG??|
and then I told her (through gritted teeth while hundreds of Lord of the Rings daggers shot at her head) that I was not pregnant.
She tried to correct herself, but the damage was done. My brain instantly went to the thought of throwing up that Oh Henry bar I ate for afternoon snack that day.
Instead I decided to enjoy the rest of the week, shove my face full of cotton candy at EVILBOY's school fun fair and go back to the gym on Monday when it's not a bajillion degrees outside.
Don't call people pregnant when they are not. It's not nice.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?