Six years to the day since I have seen your face, felt your skin. Six years and two days since I have heard your voice. That day will forever be in my mind. I remember coming around the corner and seeing that car in the driveway and just knowing that it was the day.
I remember the people who loved us. I remember not offering them anything to eat or drink in our home - I don't think anybody ate or drank all day. We just sat. Cried. Apologized.
You were my crutch. I know it may not be the right thing to say, but without you I have done so much that I never would have done. I felt safe with you and I was happy to just be with you. Bettering myself wasn't on my mind. Traveling, learning to drive, working out of the home - all things I never had even thought twice about. I was that happy to be with you.
A day doesn't go by that I don't think about you. Sometimes I even feel like you are still here with us. It has been so long now that I can't even imagine how our life would be if you were still here. I never really got to know your parenting style, I never really learned your wishes for our son and decisions you would have made. Most of the things I regret now involve communication. Rather than hoping you would live, I should have prepared more for if you died. I'm a Taurus, stubborn as ever, and I honestly believed you were going to beat cancer.
Even up until the day before you died, even with hospice involved and all that awful medical equipment, I still believed you were going to be here today.
Our son is growing up so quickly. The funny thing is, he is finally starting to look like you, which is a really good thing because I was having a hard time picturing my "identical twin" as a teenage boy. This year has been the hardest so far of raising our son. He is so smart and he is really starting to notice that he has a dad who can not be with us.
|This picture of M. really reminded me of you.|
I can't say that these past six years have been easy. I miss you. I miss you more than anybody could ever know. These past six years have included some of the most trying times in my life. I have become someone I never imagined I would be. However, I never regret the moment I met you - it's the six years of saying goodbye that have made me the person I am today.
Our lives will go on. We will both grow older - without you, but you will forever be in our hearts.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?