The first time I was ever bullied was in grade two.  A red-haired boy named Laurant would always tackle me at recess to the ground and try to kiss me.  I am still traumatized.  I was never bullied again until I moved to a new school in grade eight.  The worst possible year to have to leave all your friends and join a new group is the last year of public school.  I made some lifelong friends that year, but I also made a lifelong enemy.  His name was John (I'm sorry I forget his last name, so I will use the last name I called him by that made me feel better when he teased me everyday for being ugly) Stinkytits. I hated John Stinkytits who would point out every little flaw about me.  Nobody could pinpoint things that were wrong better than John Stinkytits.  For some reason, I never looked at his ugly face with crooked pointy nose and greasy black hair with beady mouse eyes and pointed his flaws out to him.  At least my pimples could go away, his face, however, was an unfortunate mess.

All the times that John Stinkytits made fun of me could never equal up to the time I was made fun of by a group of girls in a field as I walked home, by myself.  They made fun of my Hypercolour t-shirt.  I loved that hand-me-down from my older cousin.  Even better was that it still changed colours. I don't know why it hurt so much when these girls laughed at something I liked to wear so much and made fun of the way I looked, but for some reason hearing it from a group of my peers, who were also girls, made it hurt so much more than anything John Stinkytits ever said.  It was then that I decided that I actually was ugly. I decided to stay in my room a lot more and be by myself.  I studied my face in the mirror many times, thinking of how I could change this or that.  I planned to grow up, get a good job and get a whole lot of plastic surgery to make everything better.  Then I would go on Maury on one of those "I used to be ugly" shows".  

I never had a boyfriend in high school.  I didn't go to my prom - or graduation.  I don't think I even talked to a boy in high school.

After high school, I was amazed when I met someone who told me I was beautiful - all the time.  I forgot about John Stinkytits and those nasty anti-Hypercolour girls for the whole time we were together.  Even now, I know that anything he said was just idiotic. I may not be the prettiest person, but I have a pretty decent life sometimes. My son thinks I am the coolest person alive.  I have people who love me and miss me everyday.

I never expected my son to be bullied.

This is a whole other chapter.  Something that kind of threw  me for a loop and now all my feelings of being bullied are coming back as I feel sorry for my seven year old who has been bullied and now has some of the same insecurities that I had - only at a much younger age.

and it terrifies me.

One day last week I picked up EVILBOY and he was in a foul mood.  He had a full meltdown.  Somehow I just knew this wasn't about something trivial.  His tears were big and sloppy and he had a frown on his face that is rare to see on EVILBOY's face. I had to coax it out of him, but he eventually told me that one of the older boys in his after school program said "if you don't like EVILBOY, put up your hand" and everyone did - except for his best friend.  EVILBOY's feelings were not just hurt, they were crushed.  Something that sounds so trivial, really hurt his feelings and his ego took a major hit.

His after school program teacher is great. I spoke with him the next day about it and he gave EVILBOY a little boost in confidence saying how cool and awesome he was. EVILBOY looks up to his teacher completely so hearing this stuff brought a smile back to his face.  Even though the boy has been spoken to about his actions, I have a feeling this is not over.

All I can do is remained involved and love him.  I will watch for any changes in behaviour.  With him, it was very difficult to get this incident out of him.  He is the type that keeps things that hurt his feelings bottled up.  Other than that, I really don't know what else to tell him.  I never solved my bullying issues until I grew up, I do not want him to have to go through the same as I did.

Share this:


Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?


Post a Comment