Loathing...

I saw a picture of me from the side recently.

I was horrified.   I mean, absolutely horrified.

I have refused to be in a picture since.

I have absolutely no self confidence after seeing that picture.  I honestly would rather not go out in public because I feel so disgusting.

I have a hard time talking to people.  I have a hard time believing that anyone would want to laugh with me (rather than at me) so anytime someone tells me a joke it takes a while for me to 'get it'.  I take everything seriously.

I am depressed.  I don't know if it's the season or that damn picture, but I just want to be alone - but not alone. It's hard to describe.

I have a lot of work to do - to feel like myself again.

I want to go back to that place where I was semi-happy, never perfect, just me.