Spooky the Cat...

I've had a lot of time to think lately, which is dangerous.
Usually when I start to think, I focus on my flaws and things that really bother me about myself.
I came to the conclusion the other day that I push people away when I know they are going to die.
Yes, I know everyone dies, but there are some people who you just know are going to die within the next few years...and it scares me.

This isn't something new, this is something I've been battling for a while.   The first person I ever knew that died was my great grandmother on my dad's side.  I didn't see her all that often, but she was always so nice to us and she loved us and we loved her.  I remember going to her funeral and doing the loud ugly cry and I never wanted to experience that again.

Then there are pets.  I've lost many pets to natural causes, car tires, frozen swimming pools, running aways, school bus tires.  Each one hurt a lot when they died.  I hate that feeling.

I hate the feeling of losing someone I love, so I push them away until I realize they are dying and all chances for a reconciliation come too late and it becomes a tragedy.

It happened with my grandma, the grandma who raised me until I was eight and I didn't have the time to be bothered to visit her, until she was in the ICU and dying.

It happened with R. when we fought every single day, until the day before he died when I crawled into his hospital bed with him and we just laid there talking like we used to do for a time that was not near long enough. I remember feeling excited to have my best friend back. The next day he was gone.

It even happened with my dog Elvis.  I was home alone, in my room doing homework when I heard the sickening zap.  There he was convulsing on the ground with my computer cord hanging out of his mouth.  My first reaction was to scream his name over and over, but nobody was home to help.  Then I tried to grab the cord from out of his mouth and burnt all my fingers.  The cord was still in his mouth, and he was convulsing on the ground.  For some reason unplugging the cord didn't occur to me and when I had given up I simply went out of the room, shut the door and thought "oh well, my dog is going to die".  After a minute or so I decided I had to do something and I ended up pulling him off the cord somehow and he was fine - except he turned into a complete asshole after that and started doing weird things like peeing on my friends.

It's just so much easier to turn my back on people who are dying rather than being there and having to hurt afterward and I just end up hurting more because of it.

I had this post all written out on mustard-coloured paper.  Just waiting to type it in when something happened that kind of debunked this whole post.

EVILBOY had a Halloween party at Beavers that night and we had gone to his grandmother's after to show off his Super Mario costume.  By the time we got home it was pretty late and it has become terribly cold out at nights here.  As we pulled up into our parking lot I saw a cat laying on the side of the lot.  I actually thought it was dead but I figured I would go and make sure before I called someone to clean it up.  As I walked closer I noticed the cat was making a strange clicking noise and was trying to meow at us.  It was a tiny kitten, probably about 8-10 weeks old, laying on the cold pavement with what I thought was a broken jaw.

The parking lot was pretty dark, so I made the decision to take the kitten upstairs with us so I could take a better look at what we were dealing with.  Normally I would have brought the kitten over to the animal control (if you find a cat in this city you have to drop them off yourself which is never a fun task - trust me).

When I got the kitten into the light I saw it had a lot of foam/drool around its mouth and a little piece of plastic in the corner of its mouth.  I lightly pulled on the plastic and a long piece of garbage came out of the kitten's mouth.  It looked like the lid of a puddling cup all chewed up.  As soon as that came out the kitten was fine and ate a whole bowl of food and drank quite a bit.  I thought about returning it outside but with the cold weather and the kitten's young age it really wasn't the right thing to do.

The kitten is very affectionate and purrs as soon as you walk into the same room as it. It had no fleas, it's long fur was not dirty or matted.  This makes me think it was someones pet.  So we asked around the building and EVILBOY put up a flyer:

So far nobody knows where this kitten came from and I'm beginning to think this little guy came from aliens to teach me a lesson.  Sometimes you simply can't turn your back on someone who needs you.

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Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?


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