I wrote this when I was 24...

and it just made me cry again.


I thought this was supposed to get easier. I miss him. I miss him more now than I think I did before. I've battled these demons for almost a whole year now and I felt good. I felt too good for a while and then felt bad. I've missed him emotionally, physically, financially, socially, every way I thought I could. Then I realized, I miss him being.

What is being? You know when you look over at someone and they are just there. You know when that person reaches out for your hand or kisses your cheek and you want to ask what it was for but you don't because it's just nice to have that someone there. That's being. You never ask why, it's just nice to have. It's taken for granted too many times. Being with friends and seeing the person you love across the room and thinking how lucky you are to have that person in your life. That's being. Having someone at home when you walk in the door.

My heart feels broken tonight. Nothing bad happened...I just realized how much I miss his being. I miss what we could of been. What we were. What we had. At 24 years old, I feel like I lost that and I'll never have my chance again. Too much has happened, it can never go back to the way it was.

I miss being.
-Nikki (04.22.2006)

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Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?


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