Sometimes I try to blend in with the crowd.
Slinking in, trying to be someone unknown. 
Like one of those people on television shows who just mouth the words in the background. 

Sometimes I just want to be that person.

and it's mostly because I don't want you to see me like this. 

Sometimes I like to be the center of attention.
Sometimes I like it when you are around - just there.
Sometimes I like to put on a sumo wrestler outfit and do a dance routine.
Kind of like the ones we did in grade six. In my basement.  To "I Think We're Alone Now" by Tiffany.

and now for some reason this whole post reminds me of Saved by the Bell.

Sometimes I miss him a lot.  
Especially when his nephew graduates and he wears a little suit and tie and when he sees me he gives me a great big hug, even though his friends are all around.
The same kid that told his uncle to break up with me because I wouldn't buy him a Etch-A-Sketch.
I think of how much R. would have wanted to be there.
I complained of how much I really hated graduations and the hot rooms and the stupid speeches
but I was really just protecting my heart from hurting.

It also made me realize that I never really loved him enough while he was alive.
I didn't love him as openly as I do now that he is gone.

My advice - love now.  Don't wait.

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Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?


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