Did you ever know that you're my heeeeeerooooooooo....



So I think I might die tomorrow, and it will all be my fault.  There is no one else to blame in this situation but myself.  I will walk in to that dentist office tomorrow with my head held high (mostly to hide my double chin) and know that it was only I that caused my own death.  All because I was too afraid to get a simple blood test done.  Wimp I am.

All I ask is that you make sure my son has a good family and that you play "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler at my funeral (by the way, have you noticed how good Bette Midler is looking lately?? - ugh, did I really just type that in what could possibly be my last post ever???)

Oh and please bury me with my iPhone because I really can't even be dead without it (I learned that the hard way when I forgot it at home this morning).


All joking aside, I am terrified.

I mean, who doesn't hate the dentist.  I surely do but I have come to find it tolerable.  I have an excellent dentist who has a really awesome assistant and a really really nice secretary.  They have been so wonderful to me and EvilBoy.

The last visit I had (which was last fall) started off like any other painful visit.  I had to get a filling, which is never fun, but I'm used to the routine as I have been blessed with the shittiest enamel ever in history, either that or my addiction to sour candies.  I'm laying there with my super awesome circa 1983 shades on thinking about all the sour candies I would make out with once the freezing wore off and I can hear the dentist talking to the hygenist with a little bit of panic.  I decided to put the sour candy dreams aside and listen in.  I heard words like bleeding....excessive....won't stop....packing....pressure...sour patch kids....I mean...can't see a thing....lots of blood.  I watched as she worked frantically, laying there like a slug with my mouth wide open.  I was thinking of how embarrassing it would be to die at the dentist and wondering who would pick EvilBoy up at daycare if I died.  The dentist asked me if I took any medications that day and I managed to choke out no.

Two and a half hours.

I was in that chair for two and a half hours before the bleeding was under control and the tooth was able to be filled. My back was sweaty by the time I peeled myself from that chair.  I think it was from nerves because it definitely wasn't hot in there.  I was told that I had another cavity to fill but that I shouldn't come back until I get a test from the doctor to make sure I don't have a bleeding disorder. I was light-headed and worried about getting to the daycare on time before they closed shop and gave my kid away to the hobos. They said they would send me the bill and I went off on my (dopey) way to pick up my kid, with blood staining the corners of my mouth - what a pretty sight.

The kicker - I got the bill a few weeks later and they charged me the extra hours it took to stop the bleeding.  I mean it wasn't really my fault my mouth bled excessively, it wasn't theirs and I guess someone has to get paid for me laying there bleeding from my gumular area but I almost DIED. If anyone should get a break in such situation, I would like to nominate myself.

I had three appointments set up after that, each one I canceled because I hadn't completed the blood test yet.  I'm afraid of needles, yes, but the bigger fear in this situation would be to find out there is something wrong with me.

Which brings us to tomorrow.  I still have no blood test results and I have a dentist appointment (that was rescheduled for the third time on my own account) in the morning.  I guess the proper thing for me to do would be to confess that I have not yet done the blood test and hopefully just get a cleaning.  The cavity I have has yet to cause any discomfort.  I wouldn't even have known it was there.

So if this is my last post ever, I am sorry for it being so lame.  Also I must confess that I am not related to Brian Adams and I am sorry that I told that girl in Grade 6 that I was because that was just wrong.

It was fun while it lasted.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?

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