Up...

So I totally have this thing for little old men. Not just like little and old..I'm talking Anna Nicole Smith old man stuff...except for the ones that wear diapers or the ones that work at fairs and have orange Cheetos smeared across their lips. Okay, maybe not Anna Nicole Smith old man stuff, I'm not attracted to old men sexually or anything (wait..was she?) but I just find their "feebleness" adorable. Wait, I'm not saying feeble in a bad way, I just think they're so cute and charming...okay?

Moving on, last night I decided at the very last minute to take M to see Up at the new Westmount Cineplex. If you haven't been to the new Cineplex, I totally recommend it...BUT be sure to buy your tickets way in advance. We had the unfortunateness of driving all the way there in a torrential downpour only to have to park 14 kilometers away from the entrance to wait in a long and winding line only to be told that the 7:30 show is now SOLD OUT. In fact, all the 7:30 shows were SOLD OUT so basically at this point we were pretty much screwed.

I did get a chance to check the VIP section of this theatre out a few weeks ago and I was absolutely blown away...especially by the umbrella drinks, but I really wanted to compare the VIP to the regular theatres, because that is totally how I roll!

So I took the disappointed youngster home, and as it turns out we made it back to the car just in time before it was washed away by the big giant river that was in the parking lot (WTF?) and I totally had to wade through it...in my CROCS. We drove all the way home and after sitting for about 20 minutes I decided we would go back for the 9:30 show. It would end late, but he really wanted to see that movie and I really wanted to check out the theatre like old men so we went back.

We got settled all in to our cozy seats and were shortly joined by a crazy guy and his two old lady friends (dates?) and then on the other side of us a quiet crazy who was all by himself. I wanted so badly to ask him why he was all by himself at a kid's movie...but then I remembered that I often go to movies alone. How sad.

I really didn't have much hope for this movie. I have been far from impressed with Ratatoille (crap I'm too tired to look up that spelling) and Wall-E, so I really didn't have any expectations. I was totally impressed! It was hilarious and cute, and heartwarming...just such a great Disney movie that has grown with the times. I kind of missed what happened to the little boy's dad, but he wasn't there for him and they showed his mom...I don't want to give too much away, but it was just such a great story.

It just blows my mind how far these movies have come..not only in the stories but the technology as well! This 3D stuff makes me dizzy and dries out my eyeballs is incredible! The most exciting part of the night had to be seeing the new Toy Story 3 trailer in 3D. I can't believe it's going to be over a year before this movie comes out and they are already advertising for it!

Anyway, if you like old men love Disney movies and have been disappointed with them lately, definitely go see this one!

The bestest mom in the whole wide world...

Mason looked at me lovingly last night and said to me "Mom, you're the bestest mom in the whole wide world". Coming from a kid who thinks I am Satan with a camera, making him pose and smile "not so creepily", that really meant a lot.

Holding back tears, and after I melted into mush I said "aww honey, why do you think that?" To which he quickly replied "...because you fixed the TV for me"

Oh.

Well.

Shit then.

I know kids say silly things like that all the time, but look at this drawing he did the other day.

(yes I know it would have been much easier to use a font rather than write with the paintbrush, but I was having fun and fonts looked too ritzy for this picture)

I have had enough evidence... I have been officially replaced by the television. I'm never making him shish kabobs again *stomps off*

PS - I'm just kidding - I love shish kabobs and they are easy to make.

PPS -Just kidding again, I love the TV too.

PPPS - But not in the summertime.

PPPPS - ...and not Jon and Kate Plus 8 *bleh*

You can do it...

I am more of a quality vs. quantity type of friend. I have few friends, but the ones I have, I've had for years and years...and they mean the absolute world to me, and I hope they know that, even if I do completely suck at responding to e-mails or when I can't hang out because I'm in a grouchy mood.

A conversation I had with a friend tonight really got me thinking about some stuff and I know she reads this and I want her to know that I'm thinking of her and I'm there no matter what...and don't worry I won't blab who you are or post THAT picture of you, you know which one I'm talkin' about ;)

Anyway as I was saying, our conversation was pretty much about single parenting and being told you can't do things. To me, that is just what people say who have been through it, they know it's hard and they are afraid for you. They are scared you won't be happy, you won't know what to do and you will hit a brick wall.

To that I have to say, you can do anything that you have to do. I know it's not always glamourous, not always fun and definitely not something we chose to do. Out of anybody I know, I would be the last person in the whole entire world to say hell ya, let's get this single parent thing on because I know I can do it...and I know my story is a little different, the only similarity is that it ends almost the same way. You feel lonely, depressed, stressed, lost, hopeless....but eventually you get to a point where you get your footing and you realize that it may not be completely right, it may not be the easiest, but you are making it and sometimes that feels good.

Friend*, I never told you this, but I never though R. was going to die...ever. Even though he laid there in that bed and slept all day, weighing all of 70 pounds, I didn't think it would happen. I did not prepare myself at all for the way the story ended, when I guess I should have been. Heck, we didn't even talk about him dying more than one time. Then it happened and I remember the first thought I had was oh. my. god. I am alone. I have a baby. I am alone. I clung to his brother until my knuckles were white and I remember saying over and over "how do I do this alone?"...just over and over like some sort of crazy killer lady in a movie or something.

After the initial shock was over I realized that no matter what, I had to do it. I didn't like it, I didn't want it, but that little boy needed me and in a way I needed him. Imagine if someone told me it was impossible while I was screaming like a lunatic "How do I do this alone?" over and over? I don't know what would have happened, maybe I would have believed it but it wouldn't have made for a tolerable ending to a tragedy.

Is it hard? Not at all, you can even say it's automatic. An instinct kicks in and it happens all on its very own.

You do what you have to do.

You may not like it.

They may not like it.

Nobody will probably like it.

...but it's what you have to do.

If you are fortunate enough to have the choice, do sleep on it. Don't make a choice in haste. Find what you love and hold on to it and if it is meant to be then everything will work out.

You can do anything that you have to do.

It doesn't make it easier, but I have faith in you.

♥n

*Friend can be any of you , this may apply to you , so I wanted to share with you what I shared with my friend tonight.

Wordless Wednesday: May 27, 2009

Dear friends,

Please enjoy this cuddly velvety bunny nose for this Wordless Wednesday...but stay back, he licks.

Proud Step-Momma...

So I've sort of adopted 3 (maybe 4) little baby cardinals. Well sort of...their mom chases me away when she comes back to the nest, but I'm helping, honestly!

Every morning I check on my little pre-feather friends, just making sure nobody flew the coop...or tumbled out of the nest, whichever you prefer. Every evening I check on them, much to the dismay of their mom and father who I can hear squawking away in the background. I just know they're saying "Imagine the nerve of this lady trying to steal our kids from right under our beaks"...either that or they like my nailpolish...whatever.

I mean, I don't know what their problem is, sometimes I wish I had another mom around to help raise Mason. You know, for those times when he almost rode his bike on the road and got hit by a car or the time when he fell while running with his hands in his pockets, sometimes it's good to have a second set of eyes.

Today I noticed that my little birdlings are growing up *sniff* Soon they will be asking to borrow my car and going off to college to get a degree in...I don't know, Worm Picking or How To Be A Noisy Bastard 101. While off at college, I am sure they will learn how to shit in the most perfect spot on my car because we all know that takes talent right? I miss 'em already *sniff*

Saturday - Pre feathers and in need of a face lift.

Today - Just chillin in the nest, waiting for their momma to come home to spit some worm guts in their mouth after a afternoon thunderstorm.

Just in case you were wondering...

This:
Will fit into this:

...but will result in this (but luckily only for a block and a half...phew):

Say hello to my little garden....

I know, you hate me now. I get it, I get it. I abandoned you dear Internets, but trust me I missed you dearly every millisecond that I was away. Truth is...I had nothing to write about and also I was busy with life stuff romancing a vampire in books that I wished I had never started reading (beginning with the third - making my way back to the first...weird? Yes.). I also grew older and have been battling some sort of illness which could possiblybe swine flu - but my doctor thinks is gallstones.

So that's all out of the way, let's talk about my garden, but first a disclaimer:

I am not a gardener. I do not pull weeds. This garden was here when I moved in. I love this garden but I am afraid of bugs and snakes so I try to keep way. Gardens are dangerous if you don't know how to identify plants, one second you are pulling a weed and two days later you have poison oak up to your elbows...but I do love the pretty flowers.

That being said, I have not ever researched plant names. I don't pretend to know them, but I do like to call them by name when I go and have my coffee and chat about the hottness of David Duchovny with them. So, without further ado, I would like you to meet my little garden friends.

Garden - The place to relax get swarmed by a million insects and step in cat poop. I love the garden because it has some great privacy and you can listen to the bums fighting from safely behind my large wooden fence (which is also effective in keeping out cougars/coyotes).

Pretty Blue Ones (Blue lulubellizies) - These beautiful little flowers bloom like crazy, in fact they may even be weeds(?) either way, like their cousin the Dandelion, they shall stay littering my yard as much as they want because 1)They are pretty 2)They are cute 3)They mask the smell of cat poop very nicely.

Swollen Pea (Mysterious Podiculosis) - Not very sure what this will be, but I'm pretty sure it will be beautiful - and big. Right now the ants seem to be having a great time doing...I don't know what they are doing but they sure like this poor little flower.

Big Hairy Pod (Hairy Testiculivertis) - Interesting character this one is. I actually thought it was a little ugly until...I came out today and Big Hairy Pod turned into beautiful Poppy? Rediculizitis. How sweet.

Messy Tulips (tulips de la messitis) - These little gals love to gossip. We have had some great times. I haven't dared to ask them why they came up so shredded. Maybe the coyotes ate them? Either way, they are lots of fun and an excellent treat for our squirrel friends.

Pretty Purples (purpliculosis) - These are all over, they give the garden its purple theme and they seem to grow in packs, which makes me think these ones are the bullies of the garden...mess with them and you will get pollen-ized.

Crazy Evil Vine Thing (Wisteria?) - I've been battling this vine thing forever. I've tried hacking at the stump, pouring mounds and mounds of salt down it and have even removed a good portion of it but this thing just won't give up. It very effectively ties itself around every plant in the front garden and pulls them all together. I was informed that this is a Wisteria plant - which totally reminds me of the bitches on that Desperate Housewives show.

Purple Flappy (purple lioniculvis) - Purple flappy is a very pretty colour - can't say much for the shape though. Reminds me of a lion for some reason.

Mason (Tantrum Throweritis) - Nose picker, bird's nest pointer-outerer, the greatest joy of the garden. Although he doesn't share his feelings about the hottness of David Duchovny, rather he likes the chick from the Big Comfy Couch. To each their own I guess.

Pile O' Junk - This is a bucket of weird things I found in my garden. I know what you're thinking, and I'm thinking it too...how the heck did my rubber chicken escape and how did he get so dirty???

Hold them close...

Give them lots of hugs and kisses - never take even a moment for granted and most of all be grateful they are tucked soundly into bed.

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

Okay fine then...

The queen gets this to celebrate her b-day.....

...and I didn't even get a freakin' plastic crown. What a rip :/

...and then she had to go ahead and make it freezinger than ass...wait, can the queen really do that? Is she like a magical figure? Probably not...but still, it's always cold when we go to watch fireworks and I don't like being cold and fighting with crowds on the way out of parks that charge you $15 to go to a birthday party for this magical queen.

I give up...off to bed I go...old and non-magical. Being 28 is sad I tell ya.

The Big (or not so big) 28...

I am 28 now. I don't really know what that means, nor do I really care to since this happened to be the most uneventful birthday...ever.

I actually couldn't wait for it to be over, and it's not just because I am old (remember you are only as old as you feel - and I feel pretty damn old), but also because I just wanted a day all about me. I wanted to do what I want, I wanted people to do what I said what I want...yet, none of that happened and like a spoiled little child I just want to pout about it. Really, how damn hard was it for someone to buy me a f'in plastic crown?? Okay, so maybe I didn't make it public that I wanted a plastic crown, and maybe the idea didn't come to mind until like 3pm on the day of my birthday, but still...I wanted to be special, yet I somehow managed to feel "oldest child syndrome" and emo all day long.

I didn't want to not have presents. I didn't want to have to go everywhere someone else wanted to. I didn't want to have to go to the store and pick out my own cake. I sure as hell could have easily skipped the awkward Facebook messages and e-mails (and non-existant greetings) from friends and family.

Maybe 28 is the whiny year, because I sure feel pretty babyish about this whole thing, but seriously was it too much to ask to feel a little bit special on your flippin b-day?? Lucky for a good friend or I would have been in bed at 9pm...we really should have gone out for some Tequilas...I swear today would have been a me as a fun drunk day. Dude, rubbing those t-shirts was the most fun I've had all day long...srsly.

I think more than disappointed I'm just a little scared. 28 is closer to 30, and I am alone. I have no plans - nothing. I don't know what to do from this point on to make the rest of my life greater - I'm stuck. I want to change, I need something to change, but I don't know what and I hate change, I'm afraid of change. As much as I hate change, I know something has to change but I don't know what and being closer to being (what I classify as...) over the hill, I am terrified of just doing this for the rest of my life - alone with no plastic freakin crown.

There is always the leftover birthday cake and memories of a good times rubbing t-shirts for an eternity.

If a mutant coyote-wolf comes into my yard I am going to punch its face...

I worry a lot, just ask my mom - or my mechanic. Reading the newspaper always sends me into a frenzy of worry fits which makes my mind wander and come up with some pretty crazy things that could possibly happen to somebody I know.

Take for instance a story in yesterday's London Free Press: "Londoner swears he spotted a wolf in his yard". Kind of funny because I just found a coyote on my phone. It just so happens this is just a few blocks from me, and as much as I try not to worry, I couldn't help but imagine Mason being attacked by one of these mutant wolves in our backyard. Kind of scary to think these animals are in territory that they have no business being in. I mean, urban life is as dangerous for these creatures as it is for our children and pets, but what can be done about it?

When I was a kid, I used to love going to my aunt's farm. Visiting with cousins, running on hay bales, riding dirt bikes and catching hundreds of baby toads that littered the long gravel road for what seemed for forever. I absolutely loved it, until night time came, then I would always get a little nervous.

I was always happy to return to the city, not just because the country smelled like manure and had pot holes as deep as my arm, but because when it was dark in the country you could hear, and sometimes even see the coyotes. Something about their scraggled look and desperation for food made them very scary.

As it turns out, coyotes are usually afraid of adults but love them some small children and pets. The problem is, coyotes are becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of co-habiting with humans because we feed them - sometimes intentionally and sometimes accidentally through our garbage habits and feral animals. Basically they have learned to live with us and adapt as we are taking over their area, creating new ways for them to survive and some of us are even befriending these creatures by feeding them intentionally. We caused this to happen and now we have to be afraid for our small children and pets.

I mean this is just one "sighting" but for someone like me, an avid worrier, I had to look into it a bit more and learn how to keep my family safe. So after doing a bit of research, I thought it would be a good idea to share what I've learned about our not-so-welcome friends:

• Never leave small children unattended. A high fence flush to the ground will keep predators away.
• Never attempt to befriend a wild animal as they are unpredictable, dangerous and could carry disease.
• Keep your small pets supervised while outside and keep them indoors from dusk until dawn.
• Be vigilant when walking your pets near parks, golf courses, open fields and other "wild" areas.
• Never feed wild animals.
• Keep garbage secure and do not leave pet food outside.
• If you do find yourself confronted by a wild animal such as a coyote, yell, stomp your feet, look big and make sure to teach your children to do the same.

So, stay safe, don't feed the animals and punch their faces if they get too close - just don't tell PETA, K?

Goodbye Embassy

Where do babies come from?

The question finally came...I mean, I knew it was coming eventually but did it have to be today? After swimming lessons, Mason and I were sitting down to dinner when he began to tell me about his day.

He told me about the kid that threw sand in his hair, the kid that peed his pants and that his teacher is having a baby. Then it happened, with a mouth full of cheeseburger, "Mom, how do babies get in the mommy's tummy?". Dumbfounded, of course I stumbled for an answer....they...uhhh...ummmm.

After he got tired of waiting for me to give him the answer, he so innocently answered his own question, "I know, the mommies eat them!". So now I'm trying not to laugh, but still think the proper motherly thing to do would be to offer some sort of guidance. I figured the best way to answer his question properly would be to put someone else on the spot....

No Autographs, Please!

I promise this will be the last time he is featured on the local news for the food drive - unless Oprah decides to return my calls.... still waiting.

Wordless Wednesday: May 6, 2009

...As you can probably tell, this picture involved getting down and dirty (and luckily not in kitty poop this time). There was lots of bribery and looking like a fool at the park, but I really liked the idea of it. Definitely gonna try it again only next time not in my brand new jean jacket and I will try to make the sky a little bluer and the kid a little less grubby ;)

Giving floaters another try...

... So mommy can check out the hunks in speedos... I really am getting old :/

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

The Fatherly Instincts...

I took Mason to the park today with his "children" Bea and Monkey. It was his idea to tie his little wagon to the back of his bike. He tied it himself and he even managed to tie it in a way that it wouldn't interfere with the mechanism of the bike. I was pretty impressed, but more than that, I wondered where he got his fatherly instincts from.
His father passed away when he was 15 months old, months before that he was bed-ridden and very ill. Mason was much too young to remember how a father should act but here he was today pushing his "lovies" as high as he possibly could on the swing.

He was very gentle, loving and caring.... and he was fair.

All the qualities that his father never got to share with him before it was too late. It makes me sad to think of how they would be together at this age, but knowing that he knows how to be a good father is really comforting.

The things that worry me...

Hi internet people! Remember me? Yeah me, the one who hasn't blogged all week. Could have been the super-awesome Tupperware party I spent hours upon hours (and hours) planning (read: Superstore trip - 20 mins). I did get some free product though so that was awesome and stuff.

What I really meant to come here and talk to you all about is the things that I worry about. You see in reality, I spent the whole week worrying. Not just this week though, I worry all the time. Every day, hour, minute, second - heck, I'm worrying right now. Worrying makes me crabby. Crabby makes me lonely. Lonely makes me sad. Sad makes me lazy, it's a vicious cycle.

So to try to make some light of this situation, I have decided to tell you all about the things that worry me. Why? Because I have extreme blogger block right now, my kid is at his grandma's and I have yard work to do like crazy but I really don't want to go out there.

Without further ado, or excuses, here are the things I worry about on a daily basis:

Am I Being a Good Mother?
Being the only parent really makes this one my number one. So when I let my kid wear rubber boots to daycare on a summer day down to letting him go next door for pizza without me, I always worry if I am making the right decision or leading him to become the next gangsta kid down the street. Of course I also worry about his general well-being too, it's hard being away from your child when you worry about them constantly. I worry about things like daycare shootings, alien abductions and of course swine flu and head lice. I worry about him saying "Jasper the Douchebag Ghost" at daycare because I let him watch Robot Chicken that one time or that he doesn't have enough fun because at that age, it's all about having fun.

Am I Going to Get Hurt/Embarassed/Have to Hide in a Hole?
Some of these could include "Is this bathtub going to go crashing through the floor, breaking both my legs and forcing me to lay there, naked, in my basement crying for help/hoping nobody can see me naked and trying to cover my naked-ness with the ugly shower curtain my mom got for us from the Salvation Army store that I only keep up as to not hurt her feelings." or maybe even "Will this elevator go crashing down. Should I jump up in the air just before it hits the ground so I don't break my legs?" Pretty much the same as above, only without the nakedness so a little more tolerable. Then there is the "I hope that people I know don't stumble upon my dating profile on that popular dating site" which I worry about so much that everytime someone mentions this site or if I see it written on a sticky note on their desk, I go straight home and delete my profile for a few weeks. Let's not forget the "Do the people I know who died and are now ghosts (or possibly zombies) watch me while I am in the shower?". This one stems way back to when my grandma died, now it includes R. What if they watch me lather up my butt with that awesome Avon kiwi papaya shower gel (that was totally a plug by the way).


Do My Work People Take Me Seriously?
The "Do I smell good?" which is followed by subtle armpit sniffs and the "I hope people don't notice that my pants are a little camel-toeish today" fall soundly within this category. Then there is the "Do they notice that I really don't want to be here today?" and the "Will I get this report done on time?". One that came to mind recently was at a co-worker's birthday party at work (yes we do that sometimes when we really like the person). I hate singing "Happy Birthday" so I lip synch...even at my own kid's birthday party. This would be when the "Will they notice that I am lip synching "Happy Birthday" and think that I don't actually like this person?". I've been to a lot of birthday parties lately so I've been doing a lot of thinking about this...to deal, I've decided to nickname myself "Vanilli", why? Because it's cool. Oh crap, after going to that link I've realized that Vanilli died. I didn't know that! I hope he doesn't watch me in the shower.

Is My House Okay?
I worry about my home when I'm not there. I worry about my house when I am there. It's really a big cycle of worry with this place. Living in an older home I always worry about "Do I smell gas?" or "Did the furnace just blow up?" and then there is the "What if there is a fire, what should I grab first" I am totally the person who would run back in for things. I'm my grandfather at heart, I love my junk and to me it is unreplaceable (irreplaceable?). Mind you, my junk is wonderful stuff like beloved bears, awesome computers with beautiful pictures, and my wonderful camera that takes the beautiful pictures. I guess I would save the hermit crab too...even though he's a prick. Then there is the worries about burglars. I'm not alone at night very often (oooh that sounded juicy), really I meant when my brother is at a sleep-over because he totally does that sometimes, but when I am alone I totally hear every little noise and think there is a burglar in the house. Not that I think my brother could protect me, because really I think I could even beat him up, but just knowing that the burglars could get to him first and think he's scary in the dark and run away makes me feel a little better.

Is My Car Okay?
These include "Did I remember to lock the doors", "What is that noise?", "See...the gears aren't changing properly", "Is someone going to break my window to steal my Canadian Tire money?". This is now to the point where I now have become friends with my mechanic to the point where I give him crap for smoking on the every-other-day visit I make when I think there is another problem with the car.

Are We Going To Be Healthy?
I am a constant worrier about health issues. There is the "That freckle wasn't there yesterday!" and the "My heart beat is not strong enough". I'm sure this all comes from losing someone you love to cancer, something that is all to new to me as of four years ago. I also worry if Mason will have the same cancer because his father did and even down to "will he need glasses like I do?"

These are just a few examples of things I worry about every single day. It's exhausting, and believe me I've tried medication (which actually made it worst because the medication made me feel like a zombie who worries about gas leaks).

What can I say, I'm a worrier! What do you worry about?