Loved.

I always wonder if I am making the right decisions when it comes to raising my child, especially with doing it all on my own. Other parents can look at the other one straight in the eye and tell them "you are making the wrong decision, you idiot".

I'm the idiot parent. I was always the one who made the stupid decisions without thinking them through.  R. was the one who steered me back into reality, and it worked.  Sometimes it was annoying as hell when he gave his opinion and we would fight over my stupid decisions (like spending hundreds of dollars on pictures when we were poor).

but they (almost) always made sense, and I miss having that confidence of a second person, even if sometimes it was annoying when he would shoot down my idea of giving Mason brownies for breakfast .  He was my safety net for stupid parenting decisions - and I miss that.

I've been struggling these past few weeks with some tough decisions, life-changing decisions that I will probably never end up acting on anyways so they will just stay dormant, a dream (or maybe not) in the back of my mind nagging me at what could have been.  I just don't know what to do.

and even though worrying about these things is really just in the preliminary stages, I have to admit that I do love my life - sometimes.  Maybe not so much the circumstances, but I am comfortable where I am.  Even though I am comfortable and happy(ish), these past few weeks have had me a little frazzled and I needed a safety net - badly.

So I asked begged my mom to come rescue me, even if only for one day, I needed somebody here.

Lucky for us, it ended up being a sort of 2-for-1 deal because my aunt came with my mom.

and it was nice.

even if they are naggy sometimes.

it was nice to go to sleep and not worry about a burglar coming in the house and stabbing my face while I sleep.

because that could really happen, trust me, my mind tells me that each night before I fall asleep.

Which reminds me, I was supposed to get the pepper spray out of my car and put it in my nightstand just in case a burglar comes (and in case it freezes and blows up in the car, that would be bad!).

As I was saying, my mom and my aunt came to my rescue.  And they brought chocolate which made them even more heroic. 

We laughed and had fun and watched Christmas Vacation because that is what we do in my family, we watch the movie and then reenact our favourite scenes while laughing (with tears).

and I liked that.

Then we went to Mason's Christmas concert at school (yes another one...).  We were joined by R.'s side of the family and we ended up taking up the whole first row.  Which is kind of assholey in a way, but in reality we got there first, and besides my kid needs all the love he can get.

So there we sat like a bunch of fools, waving to the kid who sang the loudest and sang his little Alfalfa(ish) heart out up there on that stage (that I sang on when I was a kid too!).

They sang "Let There Be Peace On Earth" but I secretly told him to sing "pizza" on earth instead of peace, which is kind of assholey and I probably could have used a safety net for that decision, but he used his judgement (aww) and sang peace instead of pizza.  He's reminding me more and more of his father everyday with his wise decisions and the hairiness. 

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?

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