The zoo called, they want all their animals back...

I was the kid who brought home strange animals. 

If it wasn't nailed down somewhere in the forest, it was coming home with me.  Except snakes, I always hated snakes...and scorpions.  People who keep scorpions as a pet scare the crap outta me, even more than the creature itself.  What's the point? Are they cute? Nope! Fuzzy? Nope! Smelly? Maybe Deadly? Yep.  Where is the fun in that.  Scorpions are the worst because they have crushed my dream of ever seeing the pyramids in Egypt.  I did a project on them in high school and when I learned that you can't take your shoes off in Egypt or scorpions will climb in them waiting for your foot to go back in and then sting you and kill you almost instantly.  The pyramids were crossed off my list pretty quickly after that. Now that I've offended every scorpion lover who reads this blog, let's move on shall we?

I used to make my grandfather take me to my aunt's farm quite often to catch me frogs for my kiddy pool.  I kept the frogs there so I could train them to jump through hoops.  The frogs he picked had to be the perfect one, that exact one I pointed at, and my grandfather would happily oblige, often falling face first into the pond all in the hopes of catching the perfect frog for my circus.

I was so smitten when I was given my very first puppy.  He was a Bouvier des Flandres named Brutus. Brutus liked to take me for walks (AKA- drag me down the street so he could go visit his girlfriend two blocks over), pull us on toboggans in the winter (and when we fell off he would keep on running to see his girlfriend two blocks over), bite the mail man's face (two times - luckily he never pressed charges) and visit the Family Circle restaurant quite often (where they often confused him with a bear and evacuated the restaurant and called the police).  Brutus was a great dog (and I mean that completely) he just had his own criminalistic personality, but you had to love him for it. 

Brutus and me chillin in the back of my dad's van.  This is the best pic I could find of him that was scanned.  You can kind of see his head across my stomach, that is if you can see past my super-awesome Chicago Bulls jacket!

The problem with the girl who brings home animals, she eventually grows up.  She starts bringing home pets without her parent's permission. I started off bringing home little guppies or those little frogs that sit on the bottom of your aquarium, but eventually I brought home bunnies and kittens. There was always some story why the animals had to come home with me, I was convinced if they didn't come home with me they would DIE. 

Eventually the girl who brings home a zoo grows up even more and gets her own house, and a student loan and credit card which enabled her to bring home much more exotic pets, such as a chameleon named Karma. 

Then the girl meets a boy, who has a dog.  The girl who brought home all the animals stopped bringing home animals because the boy's dog was mean (and stupid) and also because the boy put his foot down about pets.  I even tried to bring home my dog, Phoebe, who was staying with my parents, but with the big stupid dog, it just didn't work out.  Eventually the big stupid dog had puppies and I was in all my glory taking care of those little cuties like they were my own babies (which I actually had growing in my uterus at the time so the puppies were good practice I suppose).  I kept one of those puppies, named him Bosco and decided it was going to be a game of my dog versus your big stupid dog.  I knew in my heart it was too much though with a new baby on the way, so I made arrangements for Bosco to go to a new home, and while I was recovering from the birth of our son, Bosco went to his new home.  It really couldn't have worked out better because he was SO happy with his new owner and I was a bag of nerves after I came home from the hospital so it was good.

Eventually, the big stupid dog got sick and had to be put down and R. became pretty irritable about pets.  I begged and begged for a kitten, but he put his foot down and  we were a petless house.  Which actually was probably for the best because we had a lot of other things going on. 

Then the boy died.

My mom stayed with us for the whole week after he died.  Then the day of the funeral, everyone left, and I was alone.  As soon as the door shut behind them, I went to the pet store and adopted a kitten.  Which seems odd, and I really don't know why I did such a thing.  It wasn't like I did it because I was all of a sudden allowed to, it was more like I needed something to get my mind off being alone. 

and it sort of worked.

Then the cycle of pets began again.  Now that I find myself alone once again, it seems that everyday I find myself wanting to rescue some sort of pet. Everytime I see an animal, again I feel like it has to be rescued.  If someone mentions they are giving away a pet, I'm right there picking up some homeless creature. 
I find my tolerance for animals that run around and destruct things has become less and less, so now I tend to stay away from animals that run loose in the house. My weakness is caged animals that are in need of some love.  I rescued the Hermit Crab because Mason grew fond of the crabs in his daycare (that all died) and this poor little crab was ALL ALONE.   All alone is one of my weaknesses.  If I see a pet all alone, I figure they are in need of a home because they are lonely.

Then there was Junior, (hamster #1) who had owners that loved him so much (seriously, he even had a potty and two cages...TWO) but they had to move to a building with a very strict no pet rule, so Junior came to join our family.  It was a little after we had Junior that I realized Mason played with him way too much.  I was certain that driving around in that Barbie car was slowly killing the poor little guy's brain cells, so I decided that Junior needed a break from all the playtime, and Lulu (who I hope is actually a Lou) was introduced to our family. Lulu is a prick.  Mason never plays with Lulu (anymore) because he has issues with keeping his teeth to himself and not give my child a puncture wound. Lulu spends his time alone in his hamster mansion.  Junior has downgraded to something a little more compact for him since he doesn't move around as much anymore because he is considered a "hamster senior citizen".  Junior spends his time in his little igloo reading the daily paper and eating his hamster bran while complaining about the world.

Then there is Batman.  I had found an awesome cage with every single bird supply you would ever need at a church rummage sale for $5.  Plus we had never had a bird so of course we went out and bought a budgie.  He was a baby hand-fed budgie who also turned out to be a prick.  Then that super awesome $5 cage? Well it was too big for a baby budgie so he flew out daily.  He now lives in a purple heart bird cage which is beautiful, but I think because he's a boy and has to live in a purple cage with hearts all over it he gets a little grumpy.

Kijiji is a dangerous place for people who like to adopt animals.  The temptation of bringing home an animal who desperately needs a place in your heart, like the kitten that was found in a sewer grate, or the millions of cats that owners have "become allergic", when in reality they probably pissed all over their dirty clothes pile and ate their couch (Mia *waves fist*).  Last night I was searching my favourite section of Kijiji (other than searching for Beetles) "PETS TO GIVE OR DONATE" and I found an ad for free guinea pigs.  These little piggies needed to find a place where they could stay together.  My heart broke open into a million pieces and I replied.

Today I picked them up.
and I'm terrified of them.

(yes the pictures are terrible, but these guys are still scared of me and I'm still scared of them.  I'm sure better pics will follow...eventually).

They growl, and chirp, and eat weird food and their cage is big and heavy.

But I can't wait to put little baby clips in their hair and brush them everyday.

PS - This scares me and now I will have bad dreams tonight.

PPS - I love this blog (and it gave me the wonderful idea of guinea pig costumes!!)

PPPS - As soon as I figure out which one is the girl I'm sooo getting one of these (but only for picture purposes because I think that could be a choking hazard, no?)

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Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?


  1. Aww... you were such a cute little boy!

  2. Aww I miss my guinea pig, Pig.

    OMG you need to do this!

  3. and by the way that was me that said you were mean. Since it said I was a guest, I will say it again. Mean.

  4. OMG you had a guinea pig?? That video is soooo cute! I want to teach mine to do that but right now I think they want to eat my face off :/ They are growly and mean!