Let go...

It was a beautiful day today, in fact you could almost say it was a perfect day in some ways, other than the fact that it is a Sunday and that means a whole new week starts tomorrow.  If you're as lucky as me, you will get to spend it inside in front of a computer typing until you have yourself convinced you have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I guess I shouldn't complain, I'm lucky to have a job, and I do work with some pretty awesome people, doing a job that makes me feel pretty awesome sometimes.  So I really shouldn't complain.

It's just the whole missing out on my son growing up part everyday that is hard to get over. I feel like I spend most of my time away from him and by the time I get home it's rush to get dinner on the table, rush to get to Beavers, rush to get the laundry done so we don't have to wear our underwear inside out the next day.  It's never relaxed.  Everything is wound up and there is no release.  Kind of like playing frisbee, only you try as hard as you can to throw it but never seem to be able to let go and watch it fly. 

The times when I put a pair of pants on him that fit last week and don't fit this week.  The times when he draws pictures of me where I actually look like a person.  The times when he explains something to me and he sounds so grown up.  They all make me feel like I'm missing a step somewhere. I find myself wishing I was his teacher so I could be with him all day just to see what he does first hand. 

but sometimes you just have to let go and leave it up to him (and hope that he's not telling everybody that you made him wear his underwear inside out that day). 

Sometimes it can be hard to accept these feelings.  Sometimes you can feel helpless and depressed over everything you are missing, but it really doesn't help.

So that is why today was nice. 

The day started off in a church, which if you know me, really doesn't happen very often, unfortunately.  It's not that I don't believe in that sort of thing, it's just that it is way out of my comfort zone with the singing and the harmonizing of words and getting up and sitting down.  Not to mention those wooden seats are killer on your butt.  I went today because Mason had a Beavers event to go to, and this church is a sponsor of the Beavers so it was the right thing to do.

Mason's job was to carry the Beavers flag and set it on the altar.  I watched nervously and that went off without a hitch.  Then I watched in horror as they sat him all the way across the room from me with other kids, far from my reach.  Far from anywhere I could harshly whisper "Sit down and shut up!" if things got out of hand.  I spent the whole service watching him from the corner of my eye, and everything seemed to go well. 

Until the reverend asked the kids questions.   Of course my child was the loudest, jumping up and raising his hands shouting "pick me! pick me!".  The good thing about being across the room was pretending that I didn't know this wild child.  His answers were all wrong, but they did get some good laughs from the 80 year olds around them. 

The rest of the 2.5 hour service (yes you read that correctly....2.5 hours!!) I relaxed a little more, playing the "I don't know whose kid that is" card ever so awesomely if I must say so myself.  Until the service was over and I had to reunite with him, where everybody saw that the big mouth belonged to me.  I had to claim him, but I really didn't care because I realize he was just being himself, something that everybody should probably do more often.  I mean sure, he could have refined his approach a little, but he is five years old, so it's something we can still work on.  I was proud to be his mom at that point - until he shouted out at the cookies and juice table "MAN, THAT WAS BORING!".

After doing some grocery shopping and chores around the house (you know, the evil stuff that takes away our fun time), we went to the park to play some "Skrisbee" (as Mason calls it).  We have this big giant orange frisbee that is a lot of fun, and luckily is made out of soft material so it doesn't break your face when it hits you. 

He is serious about his frisbee.
Unfortunately neither Mason nor I are any good at frisbee so we spent the whole time getting frisbees to the face and throwing it as far as we could - only in the opposite direction of the person we were throwing it too.  We both were really really bad at it.  When you think about it, frisbee shouldn't be hard, you throw it - game over, but no! We couldn't even throw it in a straight line. 

It got so ridiculous that we just started laughing even before the frisbee even left our hands.  This kind of laugh wasn't a dainty giggle either, this was crazy person laugh - manic laugh if you will.  Hyperventilation laughing until you almost cry laughing. 



And it was what we needed.

At that point it didn't matter who was watching or who thought we were crazy, it was just us, laughing like a couple of crazy hyenas. 

Being ourselves.

Letting go.









PS - ...and because I'm such an awesome blogger I even took videos of our frisbee game!

(My favourite part is: "I have a stomach ache")


(I laugh like Krusty the clown) boo :(



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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?

1 comments:

  1. Promise you aren't one of those mothers who clean their children's faces with spit covered kleenex. And when he gets older you are not going on dates WITH him are you?

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