The Day Has Come...

I've always been freaked out by loose teeth. I absolutely hate it when a snot-faced kid gets all up in my face wiggling their tooth that is hanging on by one string. I often wonder how I survived losing my teeth without having to be institutionalized. My phobia seems to have become a lot worse over the years, in fact I'm almost at the Maury Povich "afraid of pickles" episode point. Only I'm not stupid enough to call up that old bastard and go on his show because I know it would end up with me running from Maury who has a bunch of baby teeth in a pill bottle and is rattling them and laughing hysterically.

See, I'm smart. I wouldn't put myself through this kind of shit:





You know what, take that as a tip. If you are afraid of anything, don't go to Maury or he will send you to a friggin pickle factory. I would like to find out what he's afraid of and torment him.

This is besides the point, as I was saying I hate teeth. Loose teeth. Fake teeth. Smelly teeth. I think some of it goes way back to elementary school when my friend Heather lost one of her molars in one of those really sticky Halloween molasses candies. (hey..what ever happened to those, not that I really care anyway, but they sort of disappeared?)

I'm afraid of those too because I don't want to lose any teeth.

I always said, even before I had Mason, that I wouldn't be able to deal with the loose tooth thing. Everybody joked and laughed about it, saying how they would have to take him when he got a loose tooth so I wouldn't freak out.

So I hate to broadcast it this way, but Mason has to go.

He has his first loose tooth, the day I have been dreading even before he was born. Now I'm just dreading the birds and bees talk, because I really don't know how I'm going to deal with that little tidbit.


The day started out like any other day, except I woke up at 6:30am blogging about Balloon Boy and six year olds in general (and today totally ruined/changed that post so stay tuned for that one if I can ever figure out what I was trying to say). Today also happened to be Apple Day, which is where I take my little beaver (boy scout) out to sell apples in sub zero temperatures in front of a nice cozy coffee shop.


The bad mother in me wanted to sit inside at a table and watch from outside, but I'm a dedicated beaver mama, I was out on the front line battling away the drunks on bicycles and hobos who smoked used cigarette butts in front of my beavers, yeah we didn't really get to choose our areas.


Funny thing was, the people you thought would donate and buy an apple walked by with their noses in the air, and people who you really normally wouldn't ask for money from were there donating, even just walking up on their own without being asked and donating. Just goes to show you shouldn't judge people by their looks?
Speaking of looks, how could you resist such a cute beaver?
I would have given him a ten dollar bill for an apple, I guess I'm a little bit bias though.


Just as we were packing up to go home, Mason gets this look of shock on his face and says "Hey mom! I have a loose tooth". Stupid me didn't believe him. A little boy at his daycare lost a tooth this week and apparently there was a lot of blood involved so I've been answering questions about loose teeth all week (much to my dismay). So I've been putting his mind at ease by wiggling his "loose tooth" all week. Today when I wiggled it, it actually moved...like a lot.


Before I could even think I was freaking out, completely grossed out and almost at the hyperventilating into a paper bag stage. The whole time Mason stared at me like I was insane. As we were driving back to the beaver meet-up to return our un-sold apples, Mason just started to sob in the back seat. It started off a little freak out (which was totally my fault) and then ended up being a big blow out, complete with tears, throwing oneself on the ground and the drool.


Oh you don't know about the drool?


You see when Mason gets really upset about something he drools, but it's like fake drooling and once he has enough of drool puddle built up he paints his face with the drool so it looks like tears.
and no, he does not get this from me.
I don't think anyway.


No matter what anybody said, nothing could make it better. The loose tooth was a nuisance, even if the tooth fairy would bring him a twenty dollar bill (thanks for suggesting that one jackass!).


What ever happened to getting a quarter under your pillow? Twenty bucks? I probably didn't get $20 total when I lost my teeth.


Kids these days.


Eventually he became obsessed with getting this tooth out. We only had a few short outbursts during the day when he thought it was coming out right then, which of course it wasn't because this tooth was not loose yesterday at all.


Of course there are many home remedies for pulling out loose teeth. I think one of mine was the good old tie your tooth to the door and slam it (which didn't work at all). Mason had the idea to put a sock over his mouth and sneeze (??). At this point I really don't care how it comes out, I just don't a) want to see it b) him to swallow it (even though it's only the size of a Tic Tac (maybe only half of one even!)


Luckily for Mason, by the end of the day I sort of got over the creeps about his tooth. I still can't look at it or touch it, but I know it's there and he doesn't have to leave the house.


I don't think I could have kicked him out anyway, because I would get pretty lonely.


Besides if I got rid of him, who would kill the spiders for me?

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Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?

2 comments:

  1. Eww those molasses candies. Maybe they stopped making them because they realized no kids actually like them, and houses that give them out tend to get egged.

    Teeth freak me out a bit too. Like can you imagine a tooth falling out while you're eating and you accidentally chew it and it turns to little tooth bits in your mouth? *shudder*

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  2. Ewww tooth bits!!! I would absolutely die! I have nightmares about teeth falling out in food (Damn you Heather!!). Funny thing too, that girl Heather that lost her tooth in one of those awful candies, I lost touch with her but she found me on Facebook and we went and had lunch one day and the first thing I mentioned to her was the tooth in the candy...she didn't remember though, but it was totally her! I remember because it was a freakin MOLAR.

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