If I could turn back time...

Everybody I know is looking forward to something. Not just something like going to see a movie on Tuesday, I'm talking big, life-changing things. Excitement and happiness all around.

I am happy for my friends, but I can't help but feel a little bit stuck. I have no plans, nothing to look forward to and not much has been exciting me lately. I know that sounds totally "emo" of me, but sometimes, as a grieving single mother, I get to say that kind of thing when I'm feeling down and it's your job to either a) listen or b) run like mad from the insane crying girl.

I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few days, mostly about perfecting my peanut butter/chocolate ice cream recipe, but also about how things would be if I had the capability to turn back time (insert Cher song into your head now).

Just think, what if you had the capability to go back to yesterday, last week, last month, year and beyond (especially if you enjoyed the 80's and early 90's as much as I did!).

I wouldn't mind going back to the days when I played Transformers in my grandma's bed, or the times I watched Sesame Street. I could go back to my kindergarten days and punch that bully in the face for stealing my Wagon Wheel everyday. I could go back to that one day when I lost my clip-on penguin and instead of crying and missing my school bus home, I would have remembered I left him on the bookshelf.

I could go back to the day when I was wearing those saggy pants and put on a belt so when my cousin pulled them down and yelled "saggers" in front of everybody they wouldn't budge. Maybe even go back to the day when I ate dandelion milk and threw up bran muffins in my backyard - I don't know why that day is stuck in my head, but I definitely would not eat those dandelions.

My pre-high school years, I would visit them often. My friends, my crush, my first boyfriend. I would fight harder to stay, and when that didn't work I would have kept in touch. Safety Patroller dances, wearing that red Sunday School dress to the dance, I definitely would have changed that.

High school - I would be more outgoing. I would not care so much about what other people thought and when I had to move to another school I would have tried to find the cafeteria rather than eating alone in the stair well everyday.

If I could turn back time:
-I would never have gotten those pink framed glasses. They were dorky.
-I wouldn't have let my mom's friend give me a mullet
-I would have kept in touch
-I would not have kept in touch
-I wouldn't have bought that "barenaked" hat. I looked like a dork.
-I would have spent more time with her, and told her I loved her more often
-I would have been a better friend
-I wouldn't have listened to "Said I Loved You But I Lied" on repeat after that last time I saw him.
-...and then "Don't Turn Around" on repeat after I thought about him a whole lot more. (speaking of which, wasn't Lucky Love an awesome Ace of Base song??
-I wouldn't have gone out with that bozo with all the ugly tattoos because he cheated on me and stole my bike.
-I would have skipped the whole computer programming thing - what was I thinking?
-I wouldn't have bought that girl a pair of jeans on my credit card. She was a bitch and didn't pay me back and now she's a hobo. I wonder if she still has those jeans?
-I wouldn't have been so drunk when I was 20
-I wouldn't have gone to see male strippers so many times.
-I wouldn't have played "hard to get" for so long so we could have been together a few weeks longer.
-I wouldn't have struggled to say "I love you" before it was too late
-Maybe I wouldn't have loved him at all so it wouldn't have hurt so much when it was over
-I would have fought a lot harder - as hard as I could
-I would have ate a shit load more ice cream before my metabolism turned into Satan
-I would have tried harder to be happy (see above)
-I wouldn't have let my guard down - three times
-I wouldn't have been so mean
-I wouldn't have been so nice
-I wouldn't have been so drunk (wait, did I say that one already)
-I wouldn't have spent all that money
-I wouldn't have let so much time slip by without cherishing every moment as much as I could
-I wouldn't have worn those black pants because they had a little hole beside the zipper and you could totally see my striped underwear if you stared at my crotch.
-I wouldn't have driven on that road at that hour and that deer wouldn't have killed my poor poor Benny
-I wouldn't have let him make me cry
-I would have told him how I really felt
-I wouldn't have wasted my time on the wrong one

How about you? If you could go back in time, what would you change? Leave a comment or post on your own blog and let me know!

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Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?


  1. This may sound trite, but if I could turn back time, there isn't much I would change. Even the really really painful things have made me a better person.

    Although maybe some little things here and there would change, like when I should have said certain things instead of being a pussy, and those would have lead to bigger changes that may or may not have been good but at least I tried right?

    Yeah I dunno.

    This was a really awesome post though.