Say hello to my little garden....

I know, you hate me now. I get it, I get it. I abandoned you dear Internets, but trust me I missed you dearly every millisecond that I was away. Truth is...I had nothing to write about and also I was busy with life stuff romancing a vampire in books that I wished I had never started reading (beginning with the third - making my way back to the first...weird? Yes.). I also grew older and have been battling some sort of illness which could possibly be swine flu - but my doctor thinks is gallstones.

So that's all out of the way, let's talk about my garden, but first a disclaimer:
I am not a gardener. I do not pull weeds. This garden was here when I moved in. I love this garden but I am afraid of bugs and snakes so I try to keep way. Gardens are dangerous if you don't know how to identify plants, one second you are pulling a weed and two days later you have poison oak up to your elbows...but I do love the pretty flowers.

That being said, I have not ever researched plant names. I don't pretend to know them, but I do like to call them by name when I go and have my coffee and chat about the hotness of David Duchovny with them. So, without further ado, I would like you to meet my little garden friends.
Garden - The place to relax get swarmed by a million insects and step in cat poop. I love the garden because it has some great privacy and you can listen to the bums fighting from safely behind my large wooden fence (which is also effective in keeping out cougars/coyotes).
Pretty Blue Ones (Blue lulubellizies) - These beautiful little flowers bloom like crazy, in fact they may even be weeds(?) either way, like their cousin the Dandelion, they shall stay littering my yard as much as they want because 1)They are pretty 2)They are cute 3)They mask the smell of cat poop very nicely.
Swollen Pea (Mysterious Podiculosis) - Not very sure what this will be, but I'm pretty sure it will be beautiful - and big. Right now the ants seem to be having a great time doing...I don't know what they are doing but they sure like this poor little flower.
Big Hairy Pod (Hairy Testiculivertis) - Interesting character this one is. I actually thought it was a little ugly until...I came out today and Big Hairy Pod turned into beautiful Poppy? Rediculizitis. How sweet.

Messy Tulips (tulips de la messitis) - These little gals love to gossip. We have had some great times. I haven't dared to ask them why they came up so shredded. Maybe the coyotes ate them? Either way, they are lots of fun and an excellent treat for our squirrel friends.
Pretty Purples (purpliculosis) - These are all over, they give the garden its purple theme and they seem to grow in packs, which makes me think these ones are the bullies of the garden...mess with them and you will get pollen-ized.
Crazy Evil Vine Thing (Wisteria?) - I've been battling this vine thing forever. I've tried hacking at the stump, pouring mounds and mounds of salt down it and have even removed a good portion of it but this thing just won't give up. It very effectively ties itself around every plant in the front garden and pulls them all together. I was informed that this is a Wisteria plant - which totally reminds me of the bitches on that Desperate Housewives show.
Purple Flappy (purple lioniculvis) - Purple flappy is a very pretty colour - can't say much for the shape though. Reminds me of a lion for some reason.
Mason (Tantrum Throweritis) - Nose picker, bird's nest pointer-outerer, the greatest joy of the garden. Although he doesn't share his feelings about the hottness of David Duchovny, rather he likes the chick from the Big Comfy Couch. To each their own I guess.
Pile O' Junk - This is a bucket of weird things I found in my garden. I know what you're thinking, and I'm thinking it too...how the heck did my rubber chicken escape and how did he get so dirty???

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hello..this is my blog. I bought this fancy theme and I don't know what to write here just yet. Maybe one day remind me I have to write something inspiring here?

4 comments:

  1. Things I now know...

    I will never grow Wisteria...
    The floppy purple flower is an iris...
    & the flower with the ants is a peony.

    I LOVEto garden so feel free to give me a shout should you require help.

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  2. LOL love the crazy names you came up with. So funny.

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  3. If you like Twilight, read the Charlaine Harris series. The first is True Blood. I'm on book number 8 in the series now. HBO made it into a series. Some of the books are better than others. But it's a very entertaining series in the vampire romance genre.

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  4. Haha! That was great. I try to garden myself, but I never know what is a weed, and what is a flower. I plant a lot of seeds, and then wait to see if it flowers or not. If it flowers, then it's a plant. If it doesn't, it's a weed and I pull it! LOL!

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