Girl Vs. Squirrel

I live in the city. Ms. Urbanesque is me. People in the country deal with things like wild coyotes and bears eating their city folk deal with something a little more obnoxious...devil squirrels.

Yesterday started like any abnormal day, cleaning like a maniac woman, getting all the preparation ready for Mason's birthday party. Yes, I know his birthday was WEEKS ago and he did already have a party, but this party was for the family that couldn't make it *cough* grandmas *cough*. We decked out the house in Shrek garb and blew up some balloons and voila! Instant party.

In the meantime, I had one menacing bag of garbage that was just bugging me, and with nowhere else to put it (since my garbage cans are buried in the avalanche of snow still) so I decided to set it out on the porch. At one point I was looking out the front door to check to make sure the driveway was completely salted and I saw the creature with his bottom half sticking out of the garbage bag.

I opened the door and yelled at him and he went running up to the tree...where I noticed he had a friend (let's call him "Chip") watching - and he didn't do a very good job of it obviously. I was sooo mad. The bag now had a big gaping hole in it and garbage was spilling out. I figured me scaring him would keep him away so away I went. A few minutes later I decided to check on my garbage bag - and wouldn't you guess it...he was back in the bag!! I scared him again and away he went, then proceeded to turn back around and "chirp" at me.

So I did what any normal sane person would, I grabbed a jug of water and threw it at him - completely missing every strand of fur on his rotten little body. This, in turn, made me angrier so I grabbed another jug of water...missed again and this time I got all the stairs and porch wet. I could picture grannies tumbling down the icy front steps so I had to salt them again. I went back inside and as soon as I turned my back the little devil was back in the bag. I went out and threw a box of Smarties at him (the only thing I could find) but I missed - again. Then while I was standing there, he came back up the steps. This time I grabbed the shovel and chased him down the driveway waving the shovel and telling him to get off my porch (much to my neighbour's enjoyment I'm sure).

I was giving up, running out of time, getting tired and running out of ideas to get this little critter from eating my garbage. I thought this was extremely odd for a squirrel though so I grabbed my camera to take a video - dead. I had to use Mason's Little Tykes video camera to catch this on tape. Here is some actual footage from my ordeal....

...and after that, he gave me one of *those* looks...

and a truce was called. I waved my white flag and gave this cute little furball with beady eyes an apple. The devil I mean sweet little creature shook his tail as a thank you and ran up a tree to enjoy his treat. I just felt so bad for him, you know it's gotta be rough to be a squirrel, it's been a long and very cold winter...give the little guy a break....

...and the next morning there was garbage all over my porch. Just goes to show...never trust a devil squirrel!!!

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  1. OK, I was already laughing when I saw the picture of the squirrel at the beginning of your post... I couldn't see the video, it's marked as 'private'. ;) So even after you gave in and gave him an apple, he still scattered your garbage all over your porch? Ungrateful little critter! Thanks for the laugh, though... ;)

  2. Thanks for visiting! My bad, I fixed the video! I marked it as private earlier and forgot to switch it off...thanks for letting me know!

    Yep...I gave him the apple, he took it up in the tree and later on when I went back my garbage was thrown all over. Hard to believe such a little creature is capable of making such a mess. I should have taken a pic of the damage!