As hard as I try....

To give him a somewhat "normal" life, it can just never be. I do understand that everybody's normal is different, and sometimes the normal I live is very comforting knowing that I am helping someone else that I love, I always go back to him and worry if I am doing things right. After all, it's just me. I set the bar, I make the rules and whatever I say goes.

I try to stay in the same house, I try to control who comes and goes from our lives and I try to keep his friends the same but as hard as I try there is always something that wants to fight me on my one simple rule of having a kick-ass mom.

Maybe change isn't such a bad thing, to me it was terrible. Growing up and getting used to what you have and then whoosh -gone. Which made it a lot harder for me to deal with when the major changes started happening a few years ago and ever since I have just been experiencing change after change and I just wonder how it affects his little mind. What does he really thing. I know he's a lot smarter and I can see it in his eyes when he is thinking things, but not saying how he feels.

Melancholy...maybe, but this all stemmed from him having to switch daycares again. I mean it's not so bad, by far not so bad, because he is just switching back to his old school...but it's not good either. It took me so long and I had a lot of emotions about him switching and now it's out of my control...and it's scary!

I only want the best for him...sometimes I wonder if he even cares what is happening, he's such a great, happy kid, but sometimes I look in his eyes and I just know there's something going on in that brain of his that he's just not telling me.