Thursday, 30 October 2014

The post where I talk about: World Psoriasis Day

I meant to post this yesterday, but as usual, life got in the way...

#nofilter!


October 29 is World Psoriasis Day.  
I try to avoid including my disease in my photos (I wear bangs or makeup). I know sometimes I'm not always successful at hiding it and I get stares or rude comments. I'm sharing this with you (and hoping not to lose any friends/followers) because I want to raise awareness to this awful disease. 
 
It's not contagious. It's not just a "cute heart shaped patch". I don't have cancer on my face. It's not because of poor hygiene. It does cause pain and humiliation. It does cause poor self esteem. It does cost thousands of dollars for treatments (the only treatment that worked for me was a chemotherapy pill -- that caused stomach problems so I had to stop). It does cause other health issues (right now I am dealing with blood pressure issues which was explained to me as a side effect of my disease). Most of the treatments that I have encountered have the side effect of skin cancer - I mean it's probably rare that will happen but treating one disease only to end up with cancer seems pretty harsh. It does attack more than one area and usually pretty widespread which makes it difficult to treat topically. 
 
Those are just a few things I've experienced in the three years that I've had this awful disease. 
 
I hope I didn't scare you away -- I assure you I am not dressing up as a "walker" for Halloween (sorry joking helps me cope with the self-esteem part of the disease!).


Monday, 22 September 2014

I'm sorry that you are a jerk...


I don’t think you realized how dumb you looked making fun of me today.  I came to your office today to do a good deed what I didn’t expect was you to be there, in your standard office attire pointing and cackling at my wardrobe choices that day. 

Yes I was wearing a headband with cat ears on it.  I also realize that I was wearing a Christmas sweater – but you know what? It’s what I chose to wear because it makes me happy.  I don’t wear cat headbands and Christmas sweaters every day – no, sometimes I like to mix it up a little with a Power Rangers t-shirt or a Pikachu hoodie.  We all do things that make us feel a little better, maybe your fancy Suzy Shier blazer made you feel happy that morning – for me I needed some cat ears and a Christmas sweater.  Get over it.

I can only remember being bullied twice.  Once when I wore a Hypercolor shirt (which is totally mind boggling because those shirts were awesome).  I ran home and cried and never wore that awesome magical shirt ever again.  The other time was when a grown man made fun of my teeth and my step dad punched him in the face at the zoo – I haven’t been able to go to that zoo since.

I avoided further bullying incidents by not being myself. I tried to fit in with groups that I had no business being a part of.  I refused to smile with an open mouth in pictures.  It worked – but at a huge price of never getting to show my true self. 

So as you stood there trying to ridicule me in front your group of office friends, with your judgmental gaspy laugh – I wasn’t mad. I learned from my step-dad to not punch people in the face for making fun of people - it would have been really nice to see the komodo dragons that day without being escorted out of the zoo – so instead I answered your ridiculous questions.  When you asked me why I would wear cat ears “like, is it for Halloween or something?”  I just shrugged and said “because I like them” 

To be honest, I actually felt sorry for you.  Trying to knock someone down for being themselves is a classic move for someone who is jealous because they can’t be themselves.  So if you ever want to know where to buy your own cat ears, well screw you go look on eBay you jerk.


Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Caterpillars and Mamosas...

Be nice to creatures. They have feelings too.
 This story reminds me of something, although I can't quite put my finger on one particular lesson it portrays.  In this case, make it what you want.  Bottom line - it's about a caterpillar. Make what you want of it.

I spent Sunday afternoon in the sun with some coworkers (and friends).  It was a pretty afternoon, the sun was shining of course, but it wasn't too hot. The setting was a well-maintained backyard, with a perfect little deck.  There we were, in the sun, sipping rich people coolers - humans, dogs, and many spiders who had taken up residence. 

I happened to look over and see a small, white caterpillar struggling in a web.  The caterpillar writhed about in one of the large spider webs. There was a gentle breeze that was recklessly tossing the caterpillar into an even further mess.  I pointed this out to the other guests. 

Those things are poisonous.
Let nature take its course.
It's just a caterpillar.

Yeah, it's just a poisonous caterpillar and that spider has to eat too, I thought to myself, agreeing with the other guests.

But I couldn't let it go.
Suddenly my afternoon rich people cooler didn't taste the same as I watched this creature struggle.  At one point I noticed that the caterpillar had escaped it's doom and was out of the web.  I almost jumped for joy, until I realized the dumb thing was crawling back toward the web - certain death.

I think the other guests were growing tired of my caterpillar updates, so someone got a stick and threw the caterpillar out into the woods. I went back to drinking my cooler - the spider went back to his web house with nothing to eat.  The caterpillar probably had a nasty bruise/died from being thrown into a tree.

End of story.


Wednesday, 3 September 2014

10 Things...



The first thought to go through my mind when I was asked to list ten things that make me happy was dread.  I haven’t been feeling very happy lately.  When I first tried to jot down the list, I had a really hard time coming up with any more than three things that make me smile.

It only took a few minutes before I realized that I was focusing only on the negative.  Each thing I thought of that made me happy was overshadowed by a negative event in my life.  My son – his father died.  Good friends – I used to have more.  Cosplay – I lost all of my in-progress projects in the move from hell. 

Once I was able to push back the negative thoughts, my list grew rapidly and effortlessly.  I could have listed 100 things that made me happy – as long as I could put the negative behind me and leave them in a locked folder of my brain called experiences. 

There is no way that I will ever forget the negative things that have happened, and I’m not entirely sure that is a good thing to forget them completely anyway. They were experiences.  I learned things from them.  Best to just put them behind me and move on. 

“10 things that make me happy”:


  1. Mason – or “evilboy” as he’s usually referred to on here.  This kid – I don’t even know where to start – he’s my hero.  I know that sounds cheesy but he really is. He makes me realize that people can be amazing and not even know it.  This kid has had to face so much hardship in his short little life but he still continues to be positive.   He has big dreams and great focus.   He is thoughtful and loving and is very pleasant to be around.
  2. My family – My family always makes me happy. My mom is my biggest crutch and is always there when I need her (which is more than I wish I had to lately).   I don’t get to see my family very often, but when I do it’s always a great source of happiness for me.
  3. Good friends – Friends who will go with you to see a movie that you’ve seen five times before – even when they know you’ll cry and embarrass them.  Friends who share their muffin tops with you.  Friends who will do theme Halloween costumes with you.  Friends who are there for you when you need them the most. These are some examples of good friends – you know who you guys are.
  4. Going to the movies – I love going to see movies.  I have loved going to the cinema since I was a little girl and watched Dirty Dancing for the first time with my uncle. There’s just something about oversized concessions, foldy seats and pretending you’re getting married when you walk down the aisles in between the seats - I mean who doesn’t do that…right? Going to a theatre and seeing a movie always makes me feel like I’m in a different world. Suddenly on the way home my old Pontiac Vibe turns into a spaceship and it’s exciting.  Of course I still obey traffic rules…space probably has traffic rules too anyway so it’s totally realistic. 
  5.  Loud music in my car – I was going to just say “music in my car” but then I remembered to change it to “loud music in my car” because I like to sing but I don’t like it when people hear me sing so I have to listen to my music loud.  Nothing gets me more motivated in the morning than a new set of songs in my car.  I can’t describe it…it just makes me happy. 
  6.  Cosplay – I just love creating things and problem solving how to do specific things with a costume.  Although it can be stressful at times, the part of having to think about a certain way to do something always makes me happy.  Even if it doesn’t work, it’s all part of the project. My goal is to do more of this once I can get my office back up and running. 
  7.  Laughing – I love laughing until my stomach hurts and tears run down my face.  Some of my greatest memories include this type of laughter.  Sometimes I laugh when I’m nervous and I think it’s a defence mechanism I have because I just really like laughing.  Kind of like moonwalking out of a room at awkward moments, laughter is my key to removing myself from awkward situations.
  8. Social media – Without social media, I would probably spend my evenings talking about Minecraft and Ninja Turtles…which really isn’t much different since I spend most of my social media time talking about Power Rangers and Rocket Raccoon.   I just love having a place to share my thoughts with people all around the world.  I have met some really awesome people through social media.  Social media has rewarded me time and time again with relationships with people who I normally would never have met in real life. Every time I see a “like” or “reply”  or “favourite” or “retweet” pop up on my phone it makes me happy.  I was recently selected to be a Canadian Ambassador for Jason David Frank.  Being able to represent someone who is always positive and dedicated to his fans gave me a huge boost in confidence and introduced me to so many new friends with similar interests. 
  9. Writing -  Writing is like therapy for me.  I love having my thoughts documented and being able to look back on them later and think about how things have evolved since then.  Also, people have told me that I’m pretty good at writing – I can’t say I always agree with them, but that does make me happy to hear.  I haven’t had a chance to write lately because my life is still sort of all over the place – but I’m getting there.  In fact, writing this doesn’t feel like my style at all.  I blame having my life scattered – quite literally – lately and still trying to catch up.  
  10.  Photography – I have always loved photography.  From the time I started dressing up kittens in doll clothes and taking their pictures up until a few months ago when I realized that I have completely forgotten how to use my camera and that it’s too big and bulky to carry around most of the time.  I love using my phone to take photos, but I always feel guilty or like I’m cheating or something.  One day I would love to be able to pick up my camera again and get back out there.

If you are having a crummy day, feel free to list the ten things that make you happy. I promise you will not be able to stop at just ten.

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